Top 10 list

October 23rd, 2006 Posted in General

Today’s “Top 10″ list is the best ways to insure you have very attentive medical assistance.

• When your wife wakes you to inform you of labor pains, get up and start making cookies for the attending staff.

• Make sure the cookies give off a powerful and attractive aroma. I recommend peanut butter oatmeal cookie sandwiches. Empirical evidence suggests a high degree of effectiveness.

• Make sure they are fresh and warm upon arrival to maximize odor emanation.

• Give one (or two) to the Doctor just before he leaves your room. This will assure that nurses will see the cookie(s) and inquire of their origin.

• Make plenty of cookies. You’ll need enough to satiate the immediate attending staff and the “scavenger” staff who come strictly for the cookies.

• Plan ahead and have a list of “niceties” you can ask the scavenger staff to supply in exchange for cookies. You won’t think of this “in the moment” because there are too many other things to think about, so keep a list. Examples: parking tokens, WiFi access, a wheelchair for daddy to wheel himself around in for amusement, etc. Be creative! Once you have them in your room, the cookie odor is intoxicating and they will be quite motivated.

• Did I mention the need to make many cookies? The scavengers crumb trail will attract other hospital staff.

6 Responses to “Top 10 list”

  1. deb Says:

    October 23rd, 2006 at 2:52 pm
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    Dude, you crack me up!!! I cannot even imagine what it must have been like to be your mother! ROFL

  2. Martha Says:

    October 23rd, 2006 at 6:27 pm
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    Oh, boy, Deb, from experience here, let me tell you that you DON’T want to go there. ;-)

    So, Matt, you forgot to figure out how to get someone to choose a name for the little tyke. Cookies didn’t work for that?

  3. deb Says:

    October 23rd, 2006 at 7:00 pm
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    Thanks for the heads up Martha!! LOL

  4. deb Says:

    November 3rd, 2006 at 1:13 pm
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    Um, does your son have a name yet that you’d like to share with us??? Not that it is imperative for him to live his life but we’re just curious. LOL

  5. matt Says:

    November 6th, 2006 at 4:23 pm
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    Junior did finally get a name: Lucas Soren.

  6. Jay Says:

    November 7th, 2006 at 11:16 am
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    Jeepers … you’d think news like that would warrant its own post. ;)